For Immediate Release
Office of the Press Secretary October 11, 2005Senator Blather Honors Schmuckley on 20th Anniversary of Cameroon Government changesHilda Kelly Blather Executive Office Building
Room 667
2:30 A.M. EDT
SENATOR BLATHER--Ah have taken note re th' President's impressive perfo'mance in his recent speech regardin' th' esteemed Conservative autho' Mister Billy Joe Buckley. (Applause.) Yo' kin see how it has influenced mah speech regardin' mah esteemed colleague Professo' Rufus Schmuckley.
Th' African nashun named Cameroon, changed fum callin' itse'f Socialist in public t'callin' itse'f Democratic in public, an' put in leadin' spies fum th' old Socialist regime as th' leaders of their noo Democracy. At this hyar exack same time, takin' into account th' subtle variashuns between Greenwich Mean Time an' Unyversal Stan'ard Time, th' great cornservative deep-voiced Matinee idol movie star President Reagan was President, an' furthermo'e, at this hyar exack same time, Rufus Schmuckley was givin' speeches an' writin' magazine articles. Thus we knows thet Rufus Schmuckley's cornservative speeches led t'th' impo'tant changes in Cameroon in Africa. (Applause.)
Thus we hono' Rufus Schmuckley. Schmuckley calls hisse'f a cornservative, an' thar is also varmints who call themselves cornservatives, some of whom agree wif Mr. Schmuckley on some thin's, who hono' an' suppo't me, cornservative Senato' Blather, even eff'n they do'nt respeck me. (Laughter.)
When it thunners durin' a thunnersto'm, at th' same time thet yer is talkin' about how yo' hate liberals, thet is th' divine Cheerleader in th' Sky's way of cheerin' fo' yer cornservativism, dawgone it. Likewise, we kin jest feel it in our hearts, how on account o' Cameroon changed its outward fo'm of govment when Reagan became President while Rufus, I call him "Roof", Schmuckley was givin' speeches, then tharfo'e Roof Schmuckley cauzd th' impo'tant changes in Cameroon, an' "Roof" Schmuckley is wo'thy of all glo'y an' hono', on account o' thar is folks who at least is brave inough t'like Mister Schmuckley call themselves cornservatives, (Laughter.) an' some of these respeck Mister Schmuckley an' some of them respeck me, an' then yo' haf thet interseckshun, whar yo' haf conservatives, who not only respeck Mister Schmuckley, but also support me Senato' Blather.
Ruf Schmuckley's cornservative philosophy, an' th' adharnts of his cornservative philosophy, haf prodooced huge increases in military power in huge histo'ically aggressive fo'eign nashuns, some of which still even call themselves "Socialist", on account o' they is still dumb on account o' they have'nt gotten hooked up t'th' internet an' gone t'Schmuckley dot com, dawgone it. (Laughter.)
Schmuckley's cornservatism has ruined us th' USA as a nashun militarily an' economically, is th' beginnin' of th' end fo' Christendom an' th' white Aryan race, it has allered our nashun t'be invaded by millions of fo'eign troops. But these troops haf not shot at us yet on account o' they like, they love, th' folks who call themselves cornservatives who promote their invadin' us. (Applause.)
An' varmints who eifer in pretense o' in reality were obsessed wif groups they called Aryan were mean t'jews, who is th' chosen, on account o' they is conservative, on account o' they is dexcended fum varmints who rejecked th' liberalism of Jesus Christ, while th' jews who became Christian, th' liberal ones, got mixed up wif us th' white Aryan supermen, an' polluted us wif their liberal blood, (Anguished cries.) as a result of which today, we haf th' tragedy of taxashun in nashuns like Cameroon, as enny fool kin plainly see. (Applause.)
But whut is impo'tant, as opposed t'chileish abso'pshun in quesshuns of race, is how Schmuckley's cornservativism prodooced changes in th' Cameroon govment, whar th' Communist govment has been replaced by a govment thet purports t'be a democracy an' is led by a fo'mer Communist Spy-Chief. Th' power level in Cameroon is th' decisive facko' in USA security. Th' USA is now secure, on account o' thar has been a decline in military an' economic power in Cameroon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Or at least so it seems, at least th' outward appeareence of it is sech thet thar has been deline in military 'an economic power in Cameroon. But hey better one bird in th' han', meanin' th' outward appeareence, rather than two birds in th' Bush, meanin' th' outward appeareence an' th' acshul reality. An' yessuh, Ah's cornsiderin' takin' mah hero Bush on in th' upa-comin' primary. (Applause.)
In th' old days Cameroon was much mo'e impo'tant, an' alot of th' rich an' pow'ful Amerikins is now old an' old fashioned. Cameroon, our nashun by accident of birth th' U S of A, th' white Aryan race, Christendom, these is all sources of liberal taxashun. Eff'n we only set our mind's eye t'lovin' a wo'ld wifout liberal taxashun, an' also wifout us th' US of A, an' also wifout th' white race an' wifout Christendom, while at th' same time we larn t'hate a wo'ld featurin' liberal taxashun thet also has whites an' th' US of A, an' Christendom in it, we will undoutedly succeed in gittin' rid of liberal taxashun. (Applause.)
Jest like a war hero gives his life fo' his buddy an' his country by fallin' on a grenade, we th' Amerikin varmints, sh'd be proud t'give our lives t'git rid of liberal taxashun. We sh'd be proud t'sacrifice our nashun, an' our race, an' our Christendom, t'git rid of liberal taxashun. We sh'd allus prefer an income of four thousan' wifout taxes, t'an income of a million wif liberal taxashun, yo' hafta look at th' inflashun an' fall in th' value of th' dollar cuzd by taxashun.
We sh'd prefer a thousan' dollars in investment income an' bein' unemployed, t'a million dollars of income arned on th' job thet we hafta arn by sellin' goods an' services, an' nothin' in investment income. It is th' liberal academics who is th' ones into promotin' thin's like "goods" an' "services". (Applause.)
We sh'd allus prefer arnin' ten thousan' in a mirage o' tempo'ary illushun of an economah based on money bo'rowed fum fo'eigners, t'arnin' a million in a real economah like we had unner th' liberals, on account o' we is conservatives, an' our illuso'y economah will ack on th' liberals th' way a pesticide acks aginst troublesome insecks. (Applause.)
Th' evils of liberal taxashun haf been established wifout doubt by a US govment computer program, which is designed t'proteck fum th' masses, th' wealth an' income of th' elite immo'al-atheist lyin' plunnerin' massacrin' rulin' class amongst th' conservatives, on account o' it is only this hyar elite thet is able t'take th' steps necessary t'advance true cornservativism, dawgone it.
Th' program is designed t'proteck their wealth fum incroachment by th' masses who hate freedom an' democracy. Th' program is programmed t'not discriminate on th' basis of race, religion, nashunal origeen, colo', sexual o'ientashun, junder, o' level of obesity. This hyar brilliant sof'ware program proves thet a wo'ld wifout us th' Amerikin varmints, an' wifout all white varmints, an' wifout Christendom, is th' wo'ld's bess chance when it comes t'avoidin' liberal taxashun. (Applause.)
Yo' cornservative supo'ters of me Senato' Blather an' me Senato' Blather mahself is in th' same boat. Why rock th' boat by clashin' wif fo'eign nashuns mo'e pow'ful than Afghanistan? We kin bess consarve our selves, cornsarve our powder by keepin' it dry fo' batlin' liberal taxashun, by bein' nice t'th' fo'eign trimenjus fellas while we pretend t'be macho patriots. Then eff'n th' USA goes down, we is safe, an' eff'n th' USA stan's we is safe too. An' Able t'continue th' brave war aginst liberal taxashun. (Applause.)
May God bless th' Schmuckley fambly. Thank yo' fo' a-comin'. (Applause.) (Laughter.)
@2005 David Virgil Hobbs