Senator Blather Discusses Church of Lost Tribe Conscience Doctrines
November 3, 2004
Statement of Senator Billy Jo Blather
For Immediate Release
Boston, MA - Senator Billy Jo Blather made the following statement in Boston Wednesday morning:
"It has come t'mah attenshun thet mah feller cornservatives, have become psychologically distraught, on account o' they find thet as a result of bein' a cornservative, they do thin's thet is aginst their cornscience.
Thirty years ago a liberal, one of th' whores of Babylon, disrupped cornservativism, by brin'in' up this hyar matter called conscience. At thet time our cornservative faif wifout wawks predestinarian theology, which was charmin' an' cute, like th' yo'ng of wild animals, like li'l chillun, igno'ed th' idea of cornscience. In this hyar regard Ah quote: Truly, Ah say t'yo', Eff'n yo' does not become like li'l childrun, yo' will not git it into hevvin, fum Matthew Chapper eighteen vahse three; an', quote behold, th' Lion of th' Tribe of Judah hath prevailed to open this hyar book unquote fum Revelashun chapper five vahse five.
An' this hyar catholic whore of babylon, came by leckurin' us about cornscience. We were all relaxin' an' bein' brave; Ah remember mah hero Deacon Abner Blather gave a stirrin' speech in which he explained thet conscience is aginst science, on account o' con in Latin means aginst, an' tharfo'e we sh'd all be aginst conscience, on account o' conscience stands in th' path of th' fo'ward march of science. Deacon Abner gave his speech an' ev'rybody cheered an' thet was th' end of conscience fo' then, as enny fool kin plainly see.
But th' romish popish beast kepp pesterin' us, even though it was basically a semanntic difference between us an' whut is supposed t'be right dockrine regardin' conscience.
As a result earlier this hyar year our Church of th' Lost Tribe finally got aroun' t'makin' a slight change in its dockrine. We haf been fo'ced t'address th' idea of cornscience, even though Jesus nevah said ennythin' about cornscience, an' even though th' Old Testament nevah said ennythin' about conscience.
Thar we were, relaxin' an' bein' brave like li'l chillun an' th' yo'ng of animals, nevah reckonin' about cornscience, six packin' six packs an' cruisin' th' strip clubs, havin' a gran' old time, an' along comes this hyar catlick t' leckure us about cornscience.
So we corntinued fo' thirty years wif our slightly impuffick dockrine thet ignored conscience. Ah admit we were stubborn an' stiff-necked, but thet kind of eat drink six pack san' be merry stubborness is a chareeckeristic of the blood of th' lost tribe which even now so git-up-and-gitously carouses through our mooscular no'dic veins.
This hyar nitpickin' catholic, rudely intruded hisse'f upon our church, th' members of which were allways a-gonna heavvin ennyway despite th' slight impuffickshun in th' dockrine regardin' cornscience, on account o' of predestinashun an' faith without wawks.
Now this hyar year our Church of th' Lost Tribe agreed t'co'reck th' slight impuffickshun in dockrine. Our noo dockrine is thet th' violashun of cornscience kin indanger th' financial an' physical security of th' violator. Yet we corntinue t'affirm, thet a believah will inter th' pearly gates of hevvin, not matter whut he says an' does.
As a result of this hyar our noo dockrine, our members of our cornservative Church of th' Lost Tribe, haf become mighty psychologically distraught.
Their minds haf become deeply troubled by burdensome thunks sech as, will I have t'cut down fum four six packs t'three six packs of beer a day, on account o' sech is th' punishment God strikes me wif fo' violatin' mah cornscience?
One Church deacon Ah deeply admire came t'me an' said, "Senato' Blather, Ah have become mighty nervous on account o' Ah dreamed thet as a result of mah loss of ability which Ah have suffered as a natural cornsequence of mah violashun of mah cornscience, mah chance of livin' until Ah's a hundred years old, has gone down by two point seven percent".
Ah feel their pain, as enny fool kin plainly see.
An' Ah's hankerin' t'take this hyar oppo'tunity t'explain t'them how t'deal wif th' deep Christ-like so'rows their souls have been wracked wif on account o' we co'recked our slight impuffickshun in th' dockrine.
Th' ideal goal is t'behave in a manner thet follers one's conscience, even though sech will not effeck yer predestined faith wifout wawks intry into hevvin. So eff'n thar is some kind of info'mashun, thet is sech thet eff'n yo' knowed whut this info was, th' way yer behavin' which yo' injoy would violate yer cornscience, th' bess thin' is t'avoid thet info like th' plague, on account o' eff'n yo' larn about it, th' way of life yo' injoy will become aginst yer cornscience.
Eff'n yo' haf larned sumpin as a result of which yer brave relaxed carefree Church of th' Lost Tribe cornservative way of life becomes aginst yer cornscience, th' best thin' is t'eemeejutly fo'git thet thin' thet yo' haf larned. Thar is various ways t'fo'git whut yo' haf larned. Varmints memo'ize thin's by reviewin' whut they have larned, so, hey, jest nevah review th' thin's yo' have larned.
One of th' great thin's about th' great game of football, is, git crazy inough on th' tackle football field an' yo' kin getcher haid knocked so hard yo' will fo'git whut yo' haf larned. Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, th' elders of our Church of th' Lost Tribe is allus thar t'provide yo' wif plenty of fine old fashioned southern likker t'he'p fo'git disturbin' memo'ies. Eff'n thet does'nt wawk, th' esteemed Docko' Leo Kahn has prepared a noo med thet will he'p yo' fo'git, an' t'other noo med thet will make sho'nuff thet in th' future yo' do not remember thin's.
T'other way t'git rid of thoughts thet make yo' feel guilty, an' thet make feel yo' haf violated yer cornscience, is t'put an end t'th' mental processin' of fackts, thet leads yo' into feelin' guilty. Fackts by themselves does not make yo' feel guilty. It is th' processin' of th' fackts, like two plus two equals four, thet makes yo' feel guilty.
Eff'n yo' have already made th' mistake of processin' facks in sech a way as t'renner yo'seff a violato' aginst yer cornscience, jest re-process them in sech a way thet yo' will come t'a diffrunt cornclushun. Fo' example when yo' reckon through a problem jest rush through it, stop puttin' too much time into it, make a few approximashuns o' mistakes an' then yo' might no longer see yo'seff as a cornscience violato'.
Eff'n yer cornscience is botherin' yo' yo' kin make peace witch yer cornscience by interjeckin' some emoshun into yer decishun makin' process. Fo' example, eff'n yer decishun makin' process has cornvinced yo' thet yer violatin' yer cornscience through yer corntinued membership in our cornservative Church of th' Lost Tribe, interjeck some pride into yer decishun makin' process. Mebbe then yo'll see thin's in a diffrunt mo'e Amerikin conservative way an' yer ind decishun will be diffrunt an' yo' will no longer feel like a cornscience violato'.
Eff'n addin' pride t'th' equashun does not wawk, try hatred of liberals. Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, try jealousy of th' guys who haf money when cornservative policies is not established.
Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, injeck some se'fishness into yer decishun makin' thunk or thought processes. Eff'n se'fishness doesnt wawk, throw in some heartlesness, o' some rage, o' some greed o' some arrogance, o' some foolishness, o' some envy, experiment aroun' until yer thought processes does not prodooce a decishun through which yo' cornvick yo'seff of bein' a cornscience violato'."
@2005 David Virgil Hobbs
Statement of Senator Billy Jo Blather
For Immediate Release
Boston, MA - Senator Billy Jo Blather made the following statement in Boston Wednesday morning:
"It has come t'mah attenshun thet mah feller cornservatives, have become psychologically distraught, on account o' they find thet as a result of bein' a cornservative, they do thin's thet is aginst their cornscience.
Thirty years ago a liberal, one of th' whores of Babylon, disrupped cornservativism, by brin'in' up this hyar matter called conscience. At thet time our cornservative faif wifout wawks predestinarian theology, which was charmin' an' cute, like th' yo'ng of wild animals, like li'l chillun, igno'ed th' idea of cornscience. In this hyar regard Ah quote: Truly, Ah say t'yo', Eff'n yo' does not become like li'l childrun, yo' will not git it into hevvin, fum Matthew Chapper eighteen vahse three; an', quote behold, th' Lion of th' Tribe of Judah hath prevailed to open this hyar book unquote fum Revelashun chapper five vahse five.
An' this hyar catholic whore of babylon, came by leckurin' us about cornscience. We were all relaxin' an' bein' brave; Ah remember mah hero Deacon Abner Blather gave a stirrin' speech in which he explained thet conscience is aginst science, on account o' con in Latin means aginst, an' tharfo'e we sh'd all be aginst conscience, on account o' conscience stands in th' path of th' fo'ward march of science. Deacon Abner gave his speech an' ev'rybody cheered an' thet was th' end of conscience fo' then, as enny fool kin plainly see.
But th' romish popish beast kepp pesterin' us, even though it was basically a semanntic difference between us an' whut is supposed t'be right dockrine regardin' conscience.
As a result earlier this hyar year our Church of th' Lost Tribe finally got aroun' t'makin' a slight change in its dockrine. We haf been fo'ced t'address th' idea of cornscience, even though Jesus nevah said ennythin' about cornscience, an' even though th' Old Testament nevah said ennythin' about conscience.
Thar we were, relaxin' an' bein' brave like li'l chillun an' th' yo'ng of animals, nevah reckonin' about cornscience, six packin' six packs an' cruisin' th' strip clubs, havin' a gran' old time, an' along comes this hyar catlick t' leckure us about cornscience.
So we corntinued fo' thirty years wif our slightly impuffick dockrine thet ignored conscience. Ah admit we were stubborn an' stiff-necked, but thet kind of eat drink six pack san' be merry stubborness is a chareeckeristic of the blood of th' lost tribe which even now so git-up-and-gitously carouses through our mooscular no'dic veins.
This hyar nitpickin' catholic, rudely intruded hisse'f upon our church, th' members of which were allways a-gonna heavvin ennyway despite th' slight impuffickshun in th' dockrine regardin' cornscience, on account o' of predestinashun an' faith without wawks.
Now this hyar year our Church of th' Lost Tribe agreed t'co'reck th' slight impuffickshun in dockrine. Our noo dockrine is thet th' violashun of cornscience kin indanger th' financial an' physical security of th' violator. Yet we corntinue t'affirm, thet a believah will inter th' pearly gates of hevvin, not matter whut he says an' does.
As a result of this hyar our noo dockrine, our members of our cornservative Church of th' Lost Tribe, haf become mighty psychologically distraught.
Their minds haf become deeply troubled by burdensome thunks sech as, will I have t'cut down fum four six packs t'three six packs of beer a day, on account o' sech is th' punishment God strikes me wif fo' violatin' mah cornscience?
One Church deacon Ah deeply admire came t'me an' said, "Senato' Blather, Ah have become mighty nervous on account o' Ah dreamed thet as a result of mah loss of ability which Ah have suffered as a natural cornsequence of mah violashun of mah cornscience, mah chance of livin' until Ah's a hundred years old, has gone down by two point seven percent".
Ah feel their pain, as enny fool kin plainly see.
An' Ah's hankerin' t'take this hyar oppo'tunity t'explain t'them how t'deal wif th' deep Christ-like so'rows their souls have been wracked wif on account o' we co'recked our slight impuffickshun in th' dockrine.
Th' ideal goal is t'behave in a manner thet follers one's conscience, even though sech will not effeck yer predestined faith wifout wawks intry into hevvin. So eff'n thar is some kind of info'mashun, thet is sech thet eff'n yo' knowed whut this info was, th' way yer behavin' which yo' injoy would violate yer cornscience, th' bess thin' is t'avoid thet info like th' plague, on account o' eff'n yo' larn about it, th' way of life yo' injoy will become aginst yer cornscience.
Eff'n yo' haf larned sumpin as a result of which yer brave relaxed carefree Church of th' Lost Tribe cornservative way of life becomes aginst yer cornscience, th' best thin' is t'eemeejutly fo'git thet thin' thet yo' haf larned. Thar is various ways t'fo'git whut yo' haf larned. Varmints memo'ize thin's by reviewin' whut they have larned, so, hey, jest nevah review th' thin's yo' have larned.
One of th' great thin's about th' great game of football, is, git crazy inough on th' tackle football field an' yo' kin getcher haid knocked so hard yo' will fo'git whut yo' haf larned. Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, th' elders of our Church of th' Lost Tribe is allus thar t'provide yo' wif plenty of fine old fashioned southern likker t'he'p fo'git disturbin' memo'ies. Eff'n thet does'nt wawk, th' esteemed Docko' Leo Kahn has prepared a noo med thet will he'p yo' fo'git, an' t'other noo med thet will make sho'nuff thet in th' future yo' do not remember thin's.
T'other way t'git rid of thoughts thet make yo' feel guilty, an' thet make feel yo' haf violated yer cornscience, is t'put an end t'th' mental processin' of fackts, thet leads yo' into feelin' guilty. Fackts by themselves does not make yo' feel guilty. It is th' processin' of th' fackts, like two plus two equals four, thet makes yo' feel guilty.
Eff'n yo' have already made th' mistake of processin' facks in sech a way as t'renner yo'seff a violato' aginst yer cornscience, jest re-process them in sech a way thet yo' will come t'a diffrunt cornclushun. Fo' example when yo' reckon through a problem jest rush through it, stop puttin' too much time into it, make a few approximashuns o' mistakes an' then yo' might no longer see yo'seff as a cornscience violato'.
Eff'n yer cornscience is botherin' yo' yo' kin make peace witch yer cornscience by interjeckin' some emoshun into yer decishun makin' process. Fo' example, eff'n yer decishun makin' process has cornvinced yo' thet yer violatin' yer cornscience through yer corntinued membership in our cornservative Church of th' Lost Tribe, interjeck some pride into yer decishun makin' process. Mebbe then yo'll see thin's in a diffrunt mo'e Amerikin conservative way an' yer ind decishun will be diffrunt an' yo' will no longer feel like a cornscience violato'.
Eff'n addin' pride t'th' equashun does not wawk, try hatred of liberals. Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, try jealousy of th' guys who haf money when cornservative policies is not established.
Eff'n thet doesnt wawk, injeck some se'fishness into yer decishun makin' thunk or thought processes. Eff'n se'fishness doesnt wawk, throw in some heartlesness, o' some rage, o' some greed o' some arrogance, o' some foolishness, o' some envy, experiment aroun' until yer thought processes does not prodooce a decishun through which yo' cornvick yo'seff of bein' a cornscience violato'."
@2005 David Virgil Hobbs
posted by David Virgil at 4:02 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home