People's Pledge for Campaign Finance, Blather style
Not one to be left behind, my old friend Senator Billy Jo Blather, has sent me a
'Varmints Pledge'. I suspect because it is his idea of competing with the
Markey/Brown/Warren 'People's Pledge'. I think maybe now I understand why the exact text of the 'People's Pledge' was so inappropriately hard to find, and copy into text format:
On account o' outside third party o'ganizashuns is airin' independent expenditure advahtisements an' issue advahtisements attackin' me Senato' Billy Joe Blather; an'
On account o' these groups is outta mah corntrol; an'
On account o' Ah do not approve of sech independent expenditure advahtisements made aginst me, an'
On account o' Ah do not approve of sech independent expenditure advahtisements made in beha'f of mah opponents; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them independent expenditure advahtisements t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements sponso'ed by mah tretcherous wife Isabella Natalia Blather t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements sponso'ed by mah tretcherous dotter Hilda Kelly Blather t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's sick of bein' betrayed when mah wife an' dotter buy ads in favo' of mah political opponent; an'
On account o' Ah trust thet tretcherous as they are, mah wife an' dotter will remember t'do a lousy job of suppo'tin' mah dastardly liberal political opponents:
Ah on beha'f of mah respeckful campaign hyarby agree t'th' follerin':
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny broadcast, thet attacks me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife airs enny broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny broadcast, thet attacks me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, to a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet opposes me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet promotes mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet criticizes me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
I, Senato' Billy Joe Jo Blather, agree t'continue t' wawk t'limit th' influence of third party advahtisements an' t'close enny loopholes (includin' covahage of ads paid fo' by mah tretcherous wife an' dotter) thet arise in this hyar agreement durin' th' course of th' campaign, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Billy Joe Blather's Varmints's Pledge
On account o' outside third party o'ganizashuns is airin' independent expenditure advahtisements an' issue advahtisements attackin' me Senato' Billy Joe Blather; an'
On account o' these groups is outta mah corntrol; an'
On account o' Ah do not approve of sech independent expenditure advahtisements made aginst me, an'
On account o' Ah do not approve of sech independent expenditure advahtisements made in beha'f of mah opponents; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them independent expenditure advahtisements t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements sponso'ed by mah tretcherous wife Isabella Natalia Blather t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's hankerin' them advahtisements sponso'ed by mah tretcherous dotter Hilda Kelly Blather t'eemeejutly cease an' desist fo' th' durashun of th' 2012 eleckshun cycle; an'
On account o' Ah's sick of bein' betrayed when mah wife an' dotter buy ads in favo' of mah political opponent; an'
On account o' Ah trust thet tretcherous as they are, mah wife an' dotter will remember t'do a lousy job of suppo'tin' mah dastardly liberal political opponents:
Ah on beha'f of mah respeckful campaign hyarby agree t'th' follerin':
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny broadcast, thet attacks me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife airs enny broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny broadcast, thet attacks me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, to a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet opposes me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah cheatin' wife Isabella Natalia Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet promotes mah opponent when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by mah wife on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet criticizes me when Ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
In th' event thet mah beloved but rebellious dotter Hilda Kelly Blather airs enny independent expenditure broadcast, thet suppo'ts mah opponent when ah face a political opponent in an eleckshun, mah opponent, shall pay 50% of th' money spent by Hilda Kelly on th' ad, t'a charity of mah choice.
I, Senato' Billy Joe Jo Blather, agree t'continue t' wawk t'limit th' influence of third party advahtisements an' t'close enny loopholes (includin' covahage of ads paid fo' by mah tretcherous wife an' dotter) thet arise in this hyar agreement durin' th' course of th' campaign, as enny fool kin plainly see.
posted by David Virgil at 5:52 AM
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