Blather: support Al Humayuna against Al Jahana

Senator Blather's office emailed me a draft version of a press release planned by Senator Blather. The Senator told me that the idea's expressed, are rooted in his admiration of the ideas expressed by Massachusetts candidates.

The press release describes how AL-HUMAYANA, and the AL-JAHANGIRA BRIGADES are currently at war with AL-JAHANA. The press release advocates military assistance for AL-HUMAYANA:

Home > Press > Press Releases 
Statement of Senator Billy Jo Blather  (R-Tx.) 
We must support Al-Humayuna against Al Jahana in the Middle East 

March 21, 2013


Ah arrived in th' Middle East today. It is mah fust viset as Senato' t'th' Islamastan area. Rather than prejudge whut kin be achieved by this hyar trip o' try t'tie th' President’s han's corncernin' th' Middle East, Ah's hankerin' t'simply make a few straightfo'ward points. 

We is now facin' a dangerous situashun in th' Islamastan, whar AL-HUMAYUNA, an' th' AL-JAHANGIRA BRIGADES an' others is currently at war wif AL-JAHANA. We sh'd provide 1.95 billion dollars in military aid t'Al-Humayuna. Ah previously stated thet we sh'd wait until we see which of th' groups fightin' Al Jahana is th' nicest, an' then suppo't thet one aginst Al Jahana. It has become clear thet Al Humayuna is th' nicess of th' rebel groups. 

Th' hoomin rights situashun in Al-Humayuna has been improvin': Th' surtax imposed on Christians is now down t' 73% of income, an' it's a flat rate; th' to'turers haf not boiled ennyone alive fo' 13 years now; residents of areas corntrolled by Al-Humayuna is allered t'say whutevah they be hankerin' t' say about th' Al-Humayuna soccer team; a clito'is is ampeetayted only eff'n it is mo'e than 0.5 centimeters in len'th; yo'ng wimmen is allered t'vote in referendums determinin' who they sh'd marry up wif; Hansum min are allowed t'visite college campuses an' cocktail lounges eff'n they wears a bag on over their face 'n haid. 

Ah quote Docko' Easterneuropinsky: "Al Jahana, vhum ve-a moost deesplece-a by sooppurteeng Al Humayuna, is soopereeur tu Al Humayuna in terms ooff hoomun reeghts. Hoowefer, ve-a moost nut be-a sofft und senteementel, zee fate-a ooff zee vurld cuoold be-a iffffected by oooor puleecies. Despite-a its strung hoomun reeghts recurd, Al Jahana moost be-a displaced by Al Humayuna". 

Al Jahana an' Al Humayuna is both scary, they is both terro'ist threats. Al Jahana boasts a 1.7 million man army compared t'Al Humayuna's 9 thousan' Jihadi martial artists. Hence Al Jahana is mo'e of a terro'ist threat t'us compared t'Al-Humayuna. 

Al Jahana's anti-semitism is evident in th' proliferashun, on Al Jahana TV, of female announcers wif european lookin' noses, negro lookin' behinds, an' east-asian lookin' sholders. 

Al Jahana's hoomin rights reco'd is better than Al-Humayuna's. Al Jahana allows hansum men to viset campuses an' bars so long as they wears a musstache an' does not wears a crost aroun' their neck. Shet mah mouth! Al Jahana's cornsteetooshun guareentees wimmen freedom of choice regardin' who t'marry up wif, so long as th' married up wif man kin kick a soccer ball 40 yards. Al Jahana's surtax on Christian income is only 5%. Al Jahana allows fo' freedom of speech so long as th' Gran' Vizier is treated wif respeck. Al Jahana's most severe to'ture involves th' culprit bein' smeared wif pork an' pareeded nude in front of uncircumsized white wimmen. 

Nevahtheless, we muss Suppo't Al-Humayuna in its war aginst Al Jahana, on account o' Al-Humayuna is nicer than the Al-Jahangira Brigades, and Al Jahana compared to Al-Humayuna is more trimenjus, stronger, more of a terro'ist threat, an' more anti-Semitic. '