Hobbs Interviews Eyeglasska Gov Payless Part I
EXCERPTS: David Virgil Hobbs Interviews Eyeglasska Governor Rah Rah Payless
(September 14, 2008)
HOBBS: Governor, let me start by asking you a question that has been in many people's minds, how did you get the name "Rah Rah"?
PAYLESS: It started when Ah gained th' experience ah need t'be President by bein' Cheerleader fo' th' Eyeglasska GOP Gals Club. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. We had a cheer thet went:
"Rah rah sisboombah, rah rah sisboombah,
We is th' GOP gals of Eyeglasska
We is smart an' we knows th' sco'e
Dems be hankerin' t'pay yo' mo'e an' mo'e
but we'll pay less an' less
'Cause Eyeglasska GOP gals is th' best".
HOBBS: People are wondering, how can Rah Rah Payless perform competently as President of the United States, when she has presented so little to the public in terms of essays on national affairs?
PAYLESS: Wal Ah's as yo' knows an evangelical Christian, as enny fool kin plainly see. We take th' Wo'd of God literally, thus we strongly suppo't th' state of Israel, Ah reckon. In th' Bible, Jesus Christ says in Matthew Chapper 7 vahse 21, quote Not ev'ry one thet saif unto me, Lo'd, Lo'd, shall inter into th' kin'dom of hevvin; but he thet doeth th' will of mah Pappy which is in hevvin unquote. An' in John-Boy chapper ten vahse thirty Christ says, quote Ah an' mah Pappy is one unquote. Now thar is a man in Charleston Wess ole Virginny who used t'be named Peter K Phillips, who has changed his name t'Jesus Christ. Tharfo'e Ah aim t'aller this hyar man who used t'be Mr. Phillips but is now Mr. Jesus Christ t'make all th' impo'tant decishuns. Tharfo'e thar is no need fo' me t'prodooce essays regardin' nashunal affairs.
HOBBS: Governor, many people are wondering why they should vote for a governor from the faraway state of Eyeglasska, which has a population of only 600,000 people, who is never seen not wearing eyeglasses over her face.
PAYLESS: Varmints kin tell how smart a varmint is by lookin' at their face; varmints kin tell who th' King is by lookin' at his face. Problem is thet this hyar conflicks wif th' idea thet academic degrees make varmints smart; an' we is aginst th' King on account o' he is too ethical fo' us. We like t'emphasize th' impo'tance of degrees on account o' this hyar gives ev'ryone th' chance t'be thunk of as smart which is th' Eyeglasskan way. Af'er all, 'ceptin' th' chosen people th' Israelites, all min are created equal, Ah reckon. So we like t'de-emphasize facial appeareence an' so Ah hide mah face behind mah eyeglasses. President McBush said, "if th' American varmints knows whut we haf done they'd chase us down an' lynch us". Eff'n Ah wears eyeglasses, then when th' American varmints be hankerin' t'lynch me Ah can jest take off mah glasses an' they won't reckanize me. Eff'n Ah did not wears eyeglasses, varmints'd figger out thet Ah's not thet smart. Eyeglasses aller me t'look like lotsa th' varmints out thar, lotsa varmints will vote fo' me on account o' they reckon Ah look like them, dawgone it. Eff'n Ah was seen not warin' th' eyeglasses, th' entire'd nashun'd become jealous regardin' mah beauty, an' we'd lose th' eleckshun.
HOBBS: Lots of voters are worried that if you and your running mate are elected and you become President, the nation will be looking at a rerun of eight years which featured gigantic trade and budget deficits, trillions spent on a war regarding which people think the results were not worth the trillions of dollars spent on the war, the World Trade Center Towers collapsing, and trillions of dollars dissappearing unaccounted for from the federal treasury. How do you respond to such worries?
PAYLESS: Whut in tarnation happened unner th' Republicans was God's will, Ah reckon. In Amos Chapper three vahse six we read, quote shall thar be evil in a city, an' th' LORD hath not done it? unquote. Eff'n whut happened in th' previous administrashun was not God's will, it c'd not haf happened, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' Bible larnes thet God is Almighty. Revelashun Chapper One Verse Eight, quote Ah's Alfy an' Omega, th' beginnin' an' th' endin', saif th' Lo'd, which is, an' which was, an' which is t'come, th' Almighty unquote. Tharfo'e, we need t'continue doin' whut th' Republicans haf been doin', t'do God's will, Ah reckon. Conservativism is of God, on account o' cornservativism upholds tradishuns like corntinuin' t'do whut th' Republicans haf been doin'.
@2008 David Virgil Hobbs
(September 14, 2008)
HOBBS: Governor, let me start by asking you a question that has been in many people's minds, how did you get the name "Rah Rah"?
PAYLESS: It started when Ah gained th' experience ah need t'be President by bein' Cheerleader fo' th' Eyeglasska GOP Gals Club. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. We had a cheer thet went:
"Rah rah sisboombah, rah rah sisboombah,
We is th' GOP gals of Eyeglasska
We is smart an' we knows th' sco'e
Dems be hankerin' t'pay yo' mo'e an' mo'e
but we'll pay less an' less
'Cause Eyeglasska GOP gals is th' best".
HOBBS: People are wondering, how can Rah Rah Payless perform competently as President of the United States, when she has presented so little to the public in terms of essays on national affairs?
PAYLESS: Wal Ah's as yo' knows an evangelical Christian, as enny fool kin plainly see. We take th' Wo'd of God literally, thus we strongly suppo't th' state of Israel, Ah reckon. In th' Bible, Jesus Christ says in Matthew Chapper 7 vahse 21, quote Not ev'ry one thet saif unto me, Lo'd, Lo'd, shall inter into th' kin'dom of hevvin; but he thet doeth th' will of mah Pappy which is in hevvin unquote. An' in John-Boy chapper ten vahse thirty Christ says, quote Ah an' mah Pappy is one unquote. Now thar is a man in Charleston Wess ole Virginny who used t'be named Peter K Phillips, who has changed his name t'Jesus Christ. Tharfo'e Ah aim t'aller this hyar man who used t'be Mr. Phillips but is now Mr. Jesus Christ t'make all th' impo'tant decishuns. Tharfo'e thar is no need fo' me t'prodooce essays regardin' nashunal affairs.
HOBBS: Governor, many people are wondering why they should vote for a governor from the faraway state of Eyeglasska, which has a population of only 600,000 people, who is never seen not wearing eyeglasses over her face.
PAYLESS: Varmints kin tell how smart a varmint is by lookin' at their face; varmints kin tell who th' King is by lookin' at his face. Problem is thet this hyar conflicks wif th' idea thet academic degrees make varmints smart; an' we is aginst th' King on account o' he is too ethical fo' us. We like t'emphasize th' impo'tance of degrees on account o' this hyar gives ev'ryone th' chance t'be thunk of as smart which is th' Eyeglasskan way. Af'er all, 'ceptin' th' chosen people th' Israelites, all min are created equal, Ah reckon. So we like t'de-emphasize facial appeareence an' so Ah hide mah face behind mah eyeglasses. President McBush said, "if th' American varmints knows whut we haf done they'd chase us down an' lynch us". Eff'n Ah wears eyeglasses, then when th' American varmints be hankerin' t'lynch me Ah can jest take off mah glasses an' they won't reckanize me. Eff'n Ah did not wears eyeglasses, varmints'd figger out thet Ah's not thet smart. Eyeglasses aller me t'look like lotsa th' varmints out thar, lotsa varmints will vote fo' me on account o' they reckon Ah look like them, dawgone it. Eff'n Ah was seen not warin' th' eyeglasses, th' entire'd nashun'd become jealous regardin' mah beauty, an' we'd lose th' eleckshun.
HOBBS: Lots of voters are worried that if you and your running mate are elected and you become President, the nation will be looking at a rerun of eight years which featured gigantic trade and budget deficits, trillions spent on a war regarding which people think the results were not worth the trillions of dollars spent on the war, the World Trade Center Towers collapsing, and trillions of dollars dissappearing unaccounted for from the federal treasury. How do you respond to such worries?
PAYLESS: Whut in tarnation happened unner th' Republicans was God's will, Ah reckon. In Amos Chapper three vahse six we read, quote shall thar be evil in a city, an' th' LORD hath not done it? unquote. Eff'n whut happened in th' previous administrashun was not God's will, it c'd not haf happened, cuss it all t' tarnation. Th' Bible larnes thet God is Almighty. Revelashun Chapper One Verse Eight, quote Ah's Alfy an' Omega, th' beginnin' an' th' endin', saif th' Lo'd, which is, an' which was, an' which is t'come, th' Almighty unquote. Tharfo'e, we need t'continue doin' whut th' Republicans haf been doin', t'do God's will, Ah reckon. Conservativism is of God, on account o' cornservativism upholds tradishuns like corntinuin' t'do whut th' Republicans haf been doin'.
@2008 David Virgil Hobbs
posted by David Virgil at 1:52 AM
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