Senator Blather Complains Re 'Bleeding' Hearts Mis-Spending Their Money

For Immediate Release
Office of the Press Secretary
September 2, 2006

Anti-Semites & Christians Divert Funds From Conservative Causes -- Sen. Blather

Hilda Kelly Blather Executive Office Building
Room 667
11:42 P.M. EDT

Senator Blather--Ah's glad t'announce thet Ah suppo't th' vickims of Christianity in juneral an' also specifically th' chosen special varmints th' Jews, on account o' th' fine old Amerikin folks out thar, pity th' liberal warkin' class of th' US of A an' th' fo'eign poor, as a result of which these Amerikin folks of th' US of A, does not buy stuff fum mah campaign corntributo's, an' does not donate money t'mah campaigns, on account o' they use their money t'try t'he'p these warkin' class USA folks an' fo'eigners whom they pity. (Applause.)

Ah's proud t'say, thet, cornservatively speakin', Ah value th' vickims of Christianity an' th' special chosen race th' Jews, on account o' they he'p t'contradick an' corntrol th' pity fo' th' warkin' class an' th' pore thet Christianity he'ps t'perpetuate. (Applause.)

Thar is all these damned liberal Amerikin wawkin' class varmints who haf fine voices, an' fine personalities, an' is right purdy, an' is intellyjunt even though they is slow an' not fine at memo'izin' thin's, an' is sexy. An' then thar is these fo'eign poor who is similar t'these Amerikin warkin' class folks. Varmints havin' hearts thet bleed fo' these warkin' class o' pore folks is a serious liberal nashunal security threat. (Shouts of Blather in 2006.)

Menny fine folks who is vickims of Christianity, sech as liars, murderers, thieves, exto'shuners, alcoholics, homosexuals, atheists, an' chile molesters, haf contributed t'mah political campaigns. Ah respeck an' admire these vickims of Christianity, on account o' they does not like Chrisianity on account o' Christianity corndemns them, dawgone it.
Conservatively speakin', Christianity unfo'tunately incourages th' folks of th' US of A t'have pity on th' warkin' class an' th' pore, as a result of which they use money thet sh'd be used buyin' stuff fum them who corntribute t'mah campaigns, o' better yet used t'donate t'mah political campaigns, on ackivities involvin' havin' a bleedin' heart fo' th' wawkin' class an' th' pore. (Applause combined with flashing of Texas Longhorns Hand Sign.)

Blatherson Steakhouses has corntributed t'mah campaign fo' President an' also t'mah campaigns fo' Senato'. Blather Estates, which prodooces houses thet is sold t'fine old Amerikin folks, corntributed t'mah campaign fo' President. Blather Brothers Clothin' corntributed t'mah campaign fo' Senato'. Blather Fellas Auto Rental corntributed t'mah campaign fo' thirty third degree Mason, as enny fool kin plainly see. Blather Clinic, a fine medical insteetooshun, suppo'ted both mah campaign fo' President an' also mah campaign fo' Senato'. Blatherberg Unyversity, suppo'ted mah campaign fo' Govahno'. An' Bladder Balls, which prodooces balls used in spo'ts, suppo'ted mah campaign fo' President. (Shouts of 'Blather's Got Balls'.)

Tharfo'e as a proud cornservative, Ah muss take issue wif th' fo'ces in society which prodooce pity fo' th' warkin' class an' th' pore, on account o' these folks who ind up wif hearts bleedin' fo' th' warkin' class an' th' pore, spend their money an' time an' inergy on th' warkin' class an' th' pore, instead of buyin' steaks an' houses an' clo'es an' cars an' medical care, an' ejoocayshun an' spo'ts balls fum mah hono'able campaign corntributo's. (Applause.)

Even wo'se, these folks use time inergy an' money thet c'd be corntributed t'mah political campaigns sech as Blather fo' President, on ackivities thet he'p th' warkin' class an' th' pore. (Applause.)

Tharfo'e as a proud cornservative Ah's proud t'suppo't th' special chosen varmints th' Jews, on account o' th' Jews, cornsider th' wawkin' class of th' USA an' th' pore of th' wo'ld t'be merely fo'ms of subhoomin trash. Thus these Jews sarve as an antidote t'th' poison thet is th' pity folks feel fo' th' warkin' class an' th' pore, as a result of which these folks does not buy thin's fum mah respeckable cornservative campaign corntributo's, an' as a result of which these folks does not corntribute t'mah political campaigns. (Standing Ovation.)



@2006 David Virgil Hobbs