Blather defends self re secret agent identity leak

For Immediate Release
Office of the Press
Secretary
November 9, 2005

Senator Blather proves he is innocent and faultless in case involving leaking
of covert operative's secret identity.

Hilda Kelly Blather Executive Office
Building
Room 667

7:53 P.M. EDT

SENATOR BLATHER--All this hyar fuss about me havin' done a pore job in response t'a secret covaht CIA operative's identity bein' revealed t'th' public is ridiculous. Ah US Senato' Blather, fust larned thet Ms Flamingo was a CIA spy fum a journalist. Then Ah told other journalists whut Ah had larned fum th' fust journalist. Thus Ah's entirely innercent in this hyar matter. (Applause.) Th' law states thet Ah's guilty eff'n Ah reveal th' identity of a covaht operative. It does not state thet Ah's guilty eff'n Ah jest tell other journalists, whut a journalist told me, about th' identity of a covaht operative.

Whut in tarnation counts is thet Ah follered th' letter of th' law. To hell wif all this hyar talk about th' spirit of th' law, th' letter of th' law did not obligate me t'do ennythin' regardin' th' disaster of th' leakin' of a nashunal security secret, when Ah foun' out about it. Varmints who talk about th' spirit of th' law bein' superio' t'th' letter of th' law, is anti-semitic noo testamentish anti-old-testament rich-slandered-as-camels, anti-racism liberals, not Leoconservatives like us. We need th' racism of th' old testament t'keep down th' plunner of taxes, we need this hyar idea thet th' non-jews is subhoomin, on account o' whuffo' w'd ennyone be hankerin' t'use tax money t'spend it on sub-hoomins? We need t' worship them who is dexcended fum th' jews who rejecked th' liberalism of Christ, an' we need t' hate them who is dexcended fum Mary an' Christ's fambly an' follerers. Mary is Mary Jane, which is Marijuana. (Applause.)

We hyar in Warshin'ton like t'fo'git th' spirit of th' law, on account o' we is th' proud sponso's of pedannic exclusive law skoos which we use t'make lawyers impostibly expensive, an' which we use t'prevent citizens fum larnin' an' prackicin' law, as a way of keepin' down th' thef' thet is th' income tax. We subsidize these law skoos, we give an' loan th' students money, we give these law skoos money, we persecute th' unlicensed lawyers, we is about th' letter of th' law, not th' bleedin'-hearted spirit of it. (Applause.) In th' Amerikin civil war Grant an' Lincoln were both lawyers who did not hoof it to law skoo, on account o' back then, we did not haf th' restrickshuns we haf now, thet prevent varmints like Grant an' Lincoln fum prackicin' law, on account o' we figger th' mo'e slaves th' better th' chance of keepin' down taxes. (Applause.)

Tharfo'e, Ah's intirely innercent of th' crime of havin' done nothin', when Ah heard fum a repo'ter thet Ms Flamingo was a covaht operative, a spy, who pretended t'not be a spy. Th' fack thet thar is this hyar trimenjus hoopla, about how our hono'able cornservative administrashun c'd come crashin' down on account o' of th' advahse nashunal security impack of th' identity of a spy leakin' out, in no way indicates thet Ah sh'd haf done sumpin t'begin t'control th' damage prodooced by th' leakin' of th' secret of th' spy's identity. Ah had only four days between th' time Ah foun' out fum th' TV repo'ter thet Ms Flamingo was a covaht operative of th' USA, an' th' time when th' esteemed Mister Slowvac's column came out which revealed thet Ms Flamingo is a covaht USA CIA operative. Then af'er thet, thar were only eleven weeks thet elapsed prio' t'th' FBI commencin' its investigashun into th' leakin' of Ms Flamingo's identity as a covaht operative.

Ah used these four days an' eleven weeks fo' thin's mo'e impo'tant than reacting t'th' disaster thet is th' leakin' of a spy's identity. Ah used mah time t'write deep conservative poems about th' beauty of bestiality, rural cornservative poems thet liberal urban Christian types jest does not appreesheeate, besides, they have'nt see th' opinion polls showin' th' high percentage o' rural folks who make love t'sheep, besides th' Lo'd above loves sheep. (Applause.) Ah devoted th' time Ah had af'er Ah foun' out fum th' TV repo'ter about th' covaht operative's identity leakin' out into th' public, t'puttin' th' right spin on th' events fo' th' media. Ah used it t'discuss wif mah colleagues an' superio's, impo'tant quesshuns thet had troublin' us fo' years, sech as how Ms Flamingo's famous husbin Mr. Flamingo, had screwed up our cornservative fo'eign policy by interferin' wif us clevahly stretchin' th' truth so as t'enable us t'embark on a noble cornservative crusade, an' whuffo' th' Texass Beasts baseball team had not been doin' so fine lately.

Heck, our P R experts warned us thet eff'n we in th' Administrashun were t'admit thet thar was sumpin wrong wif a covaht operative's identity leakin' out, eff'n we were t'ack as if sech was a serious problem, this hyar c'd ind up causin' a public relashuns problem fo' us thet'd be difficult t'unspin an' finagle even wif chutzpah, on account o' it'd be admittin' thet sumpin had gone wrong, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells!

Ah w'd like t'thank th' Office of th' hono'able Special Prosecuto' Pat Fitzyfella, an' th' media, an' th' public at large fo' havin' reckanized thet, yessuh, an administrashun leakin' th' identity of one of its covaht operatives is a terribly serious matter, due t' nashunal security corncerns, an' due t'th' fairness we owe t'our own spies an' soldiers; an' yessuh, it is ho'rible thet dozens of Amerikin spies were brutally murdered as a result of this hyar leak; but, at th' same time, th' impo'tant thin' is thet Ah mahse'f did not leak th' identity of th' ajunt t'th' press it was t'other way aroun'. Th' fack thet Ah did not do ennythin' t'control th' damage cuzd t'nashunal security by th' leakin' of a spy's identity when Ah larned fum a repo'ter thet th' spy's identity had leaked, is unimpo'tant, it is a prio'i immaterial cum laude completely irrelevant. (Applause.)

Ah w'd like t'praise our nashun, fo' havin' come t'unnerstan' thet although th' treasonous leakin' of a covaht operative's name resultin' in th' brutal execushun of dozens of ajunts in service t'our great nashun is a ho'rible thin', it is only ho'rible when a govment employee does it, an' is not ho'rible when an esteemed member of th' fif'h estate sech as Mister Slowvac does it, an' also thar is nothin' ho'rible about varmints like me doin' nothin' t'repair o' prevent sech a leak when we larn about sech a leak. Shet mah mouth! (Applause.)




@2005 David Virgil Hobbs