Song about Boston my original attempt at lyrics
LAST UPDATED: 4:20 AM 10/4/2014
This is where I will post various new versions of the song, together with my notes re the version.
6:04 AM 10/3/2014
Boston Song Version 1
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
V1 Notes: I had some poetic feelings about Boston, that I attempted to translate into lyrics for song. I applied what I learned re writing lyrics last time I studied the subject. I tried to keep the number of syllables per line down to around 6-8. I tried to use vocabulary of the type used by children younger than twelve. I tried to keep the grammatical construction similar to that used by grade-schoolers. But I'm not satisfied. There's no repeating chorus. There are not enough lines. The melody that these lyrics naturally give rise to at first, is merely a childish nursery school type melody. I suspect that if these lyrics were to be delivered well in song, the delivery would have to be unorthodox in terms of rhythm, melody and the number and types of singers utilized.
4:20 AM 10/4/2014
Boston Song Version 2
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
V2 Notes: I won't repeat the comments in V1 Notes. These lyrics might work better if hi-tech studio type audio distortion was effected during the singing of one or more lines. Possible such effects: echo, bass-level, playback-speed-slowdown, chorus, etc. Lines such as those found in this V2, sometimes work well when they are spoken as opposed to sung; they can be spoken with melodic and/or percussion background, or they can be spoken in between melodic and/or percussion segments. There is no need to remain stuck in the first childish melody that comes to mind on the first attempt to sing this song. The lyrics could be sung to the melody of any song using 6-8 syllables per line. Singing the song to a pre-existing melody for a song using 6-8 syllables per line, could be a way to shake onself out of the rut wherein one gets mentally stuck with the first childish melody that comes to mind on the first ad-hoc attempt to sing the lines to a melody.
12:27 AM 10/5/2014
Boston Song Version 3
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
Boston sits in the ocean
Like the moon in the heavens
The fresh clean ocean breeze
Is magic air to breathe
V3 Notes: Nothing I can think of.
11:07 PM 10/15/2014
Boston Song Version 4
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
Boston sits in the ocean
Like the moon in the heavens
The fresh clean ocean breeze
Is magic air to breathe
Boston's dancing concubine
Inspires a passion divine
V4 Notes: The lines added (boldface), again for some reason seem like good poetry but hard to put a melody that is not nursery-schoolish to. Yet it was very difficult to come up with a new stanza that expressed the thought intended without sounding silly.
This is where I will post various new versions of the song, together with my notes re the version.
6:04 AM 10/3/2014
Boston Song Version 1
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
V1 Notes: I had some poetic feelings about Boston, that I attempted to translate into lyrics for song. I applied what I learned re writing lyrics last time I studied the subject. I tried to keep the number of syllables per line down to around 6-8. I tried to use vocabulary of the type used by children younger than twelve. I tried to keep the grammatical construction similar to that used by grade-schoolers. But I'm not satisfied. There's no repeating chorus. There are not enough lines. The melody that these lyrics naturally give rise to at first, is merely a childish nursery school type melody. I suspect that if these lyrics were to be delivered well in song, the delivery would have to be unorthodox in terms of rhythm, melody and the number and types of singers utilized.
4:20 AM 10/4/2014
Boston Song Version 2
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
V2 Notes: I won't repeat the comments in V1 Notes. These lyrics might work better if hi-tech studio type audio distortion was effected during the singing of one or more lines. Possible such effects: echo, bass-level, playback-speed-slowdown, chorus, etc. Lines such as those found in this V2, sometimes work well when they are spoken as opposed to sung; they can be spoken with melodic and/or percussion background, or they can be spoken in between melodic and/or percussion segments. There is no need to remain stuck in the first childish melody that comes to mind on the first attempt to sing this song. The lyrics could be sung to the melody of any song using 6-8 syllables per line. Singing the song to a pre-existing melody for a song using 6-8 syllables per line, could be a way to shake onself out of the rut wherein one gets mentally stuck with the first childish melody that comes to mind on the first ad-hoc attempt to sing the lines to a melody.
12:27 AM 10/5/2014
Boston Song Version 3
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
Boston sits in the ocean
Like the moon in the heavens
The fresh clean ocean breeze
Is magic air to breathe
V3 Notes: Nothing I can think of.
11:07 PM 10/15/2014
Boston Song Version 4
Boston makes ancient Greece
Look like the minor Leagues
There's something that's alive
In its starry sky
There's no gravity
It sets your soul free
You're light as the man on the moon
Far from the suburban gloom
Downtown you can space out
Hearing seeing nothing
Remembering nothing
Except that sky spirit
Being the life without
And the life that's within
Boston sits in the ocean
Like the moon in the heavens
The fresh clean ocean breeze
Is magic air to breathe
Boston's dancing concubine
Inspires a passion divine
V4 Notes: The lines added (boldface), again for some reason seem like good poetry but hard to put a melody that is not nursery-schoolish to. Yet it was very difficult to come up with a new stanza that expressed the thought intended without sounding silly.
posted by David Virgil at 6:13 AM
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