Blather, King in DVH roundtable re taxi service crisis

Transcript: Blather and King on 'DVH News Sunday'

Sunday, February 08, 2020
DVH NEWS

BLATHERVILLE, TX. — The following is a partial transcript of the Feb. 8, 2020, edition of "DVH News Sunday With David Virgil":

Copyright © 2010 DVH®. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

"DVH NEWS SUNDAY" HOST DAVID VIRGIL: This is DVH NEWS SUNDAY. I'm David Virgil. Today, on a special Roundtable, the taxi service crisis, Americans, ninety nine percent of whom are not allowed driver's licenses unable to afford taxi service, continues to make headlines. We're back live from the DVH-Bay on the campus of Blather College just outside Blatherville, Texas. Welcome to you all. welcome back, Sir Senator Blather and Sir Congressman King.

SENATOR BILLY JO BLATHER: Thank yo', David. Pleasure t' be back.

CONGRESSMAN CALVIN LUTHER KING: Dank ya' fo' havin' me.

DVH: Thankyou, Senator Blather, and thankyou, Senator King, for agreeing to this roundtable discussion. Our company would be in real financial trouble were we unable to obtain exclusive interviews with great men such as yourselves. Yet as you know, we at DVH are esteemed as being the most courageously and sharply anti-establishment group in the nation and I am going to ask you some tough questions nobody else has asked.

DVH: Years ago, in the United States anybody who could pass a driver's license exam, could drive a car. Therefore, Americans did not have this problem of being in need of taxi service and being unable to afford taxi service. So I am going to ask you the tough question that nobody else will ask. Why not go back to the old days, during which anybody who passed a driver's license exam could drive, which kept taxi service costs low, and which also made taxi service less necessary and less expensive?

Senator Blather: We is th' one's who is bein' courageous by agreein' t'be interviewed by yo' in th' fust place. Fack is, thet we now haf th' highess quality taxi service in th' wo'ld. Th' Amerikin taxi service provides th' hard wawkin' mino'ity wif taxi service thet is th' bess in th' wo'ld. Varmints fum all ovah th' wo'ld come t'America t'use Amerikin taxi service. Yo' sh'd see th' problems in th' fo'eign countries whar th' govment provides taxi service. (Loud Applause).

Congressman King: If ya' wuz not so's racist, ya' in yo' mind could look into de eyes uh de yung negro chick who lost ha' Big Daddy cuz' some honkyfool who had some driver's license ran upside ha' pops who wuz some top musician and also a supuh'star adlete and in de prime uh his yung brother life, and ya' would dink oderwise. (Applause). Dere used t'be too many accidents, so's we decided dat we had t'limit de numba' of driver's licenses t'one million. 'S coo', bro. Now de drivers is excellent drivers and dere is less accidents. Dese drivers is brilliant and hard wo'kin', as some matta' of fact, dey wo'k too many hours. Deir average income be only $400,000 puh' year, but still dey unselfishly manage t'contribute t'my political campaigns so's dat Ah' am able t'as yo' congressman, suppo't da damn war on terro', which be way mo'e impo'tant dan any damned taxi ride. Now our nashun spends way less bre'd on gas, and so's de Arab Muslim raghaids dont have any bre'd t'fund deir terro'ist invasions uh black Christian Africa and do ho'rible doodads. (Applause).

Senator Blather: Now days in o'der t'git through drivin' skoo, yo' hafta haf a junius IQ an' a photographic memo'y. These days yo' hafta spend four years in drivin' skoo t'git a license so drivahs larn how t'be extremely safe drivahs. True, drivin' skoo these days costs $652,000 but we haf high quality Drivin' Skoo professo's arnin' fine incomes an' corntributin' t'antiterro'ist political campaigns sech as mine, an' we haf top quality technology an' equipment in th' drivin' skoos. American drivahs is th' bess in th' wo'ld as a result of which we now haf th' wo'ld's bess taxi service system hyar in America, providin' th' highess quality taxi service in th' wo'ld. Comparin' th' drivahs of today t'them of yessuhterday, is like comparin' respeckable spo'ts superstars like Peyton Mannin' t'liberal bozos. (Applause).

Congressman King: We da damn guv'ment decide who kin be allowed t'run some Drivin' School, and we limit da damn numba' of drivin' schools. Thus we gots good Drivin' Schools dat contribute t'de war on terro', and da damn Drivin' schools dat we gots, is prospuh'ous enough t' contribute t'our political campaigns so's dat we kin prosecute da damn war on terro'. We fo'ce da damn Drivin' schools t'provide some quality educashun t'de drivers.

DVH: thankyou for providing such informative answers to my questions. When questions are well answered, they make you begin to realize that the question was kind of dumb in the first place.

DVH: So now I'll take a slant that is less weird and antiestablishment but that nevertheless is relatively incisive. Senator Blather, the American people are faced with the problem of being unable to afford taxis at twenty dollars a mile. Only two percent can afford to hire a cab so as to be able to move around transportation-wise the way they need to. 53% can afford a cab to the point where they can satisfy their transportation needs partially, but since they have to pay twenty dollars a mile this is a very heavy strain on their budget and they still are unable to fulfill their transportation needs. 45% cannot afford taxis at all. Please describe the clever plan you have formulated to deal with the problem.

Senator Blather: Fust of all, let me say thet as a proud believah in th' free market, we muss allow th' fo'ces of th' free market t'operate freely, we muss allow th' cab drivahs an' th' taxi compenny ownys t' engage in free market competishun aginst etch other, on account o' ev'rybody knows thet tax cuts, an' free market enterprise competishun, is fine fo' th' economah. (Applause). Tharfo'e it is of th' greatess impo'tance, thet taxi services be supplied by th' private secko' an' not th' govment. Govment is inefficient. We does not be hankerin' fo' govment t'be involved in providin' cab services o' taxi services. An' we does not be hankerin' t'exclude fo'eign taxi companies fum competin' in th' American taxi market on account o' we knows thet free trade is fine fo' us. Tariffs on fo'eign taxi service will jest lead t'retaliashun aginst American taxi service exporters who is fine anti-terro'ist folks. (Applause).

We hafta remember thet taxi service is a privilege, not a right. Ah believe in gittin' th' govment outta th' business of providin' taxi service t'Americans. As of now, th' govment is involved in programs like Taxicare an' Cabaid, which he'p Americans pay fo' taxi service. These programs is based on taxes thet burden th' hard wawkin' mino'ity, so thet members of th' lazy as a houn'dog majo'ity kin git a ride t'th' pickup game on th' neighbo'hood negro baxetball court, which is obviously completely ridiculous. (Applause). Th' govment taxes th' hard wawkin' mino'ity, an' then some obese bozo fum th' lazy as a houn'dog majo'ity, gits a free ride t'th' supermarket, when he c'd haf walked th' same distance in ten minutes. (Applause).

DVH: Congressman King, you take a different view on the subject. You believe that no American should be left without taxi service. You have spoken eloquently regarding how unfair it is, that some Americans are able to go wherever they want whenever they want in a taxi, while other Americans are never able to afford a taxi or go anywhere in a car. What are your plans?

Congressman King: Ah' have been suppo'tin' legislashun which gots'ta brin' taxi service t'every American so's dat no American gots'ta be left widout taxi service. Unda' my plan, All Americans gots'ta be required t'buy two dousand dollars uh taxi service puh' month, and no American gots'ta be allowed t'buy mo'e dan two dousand dollars uh taxi service puh' month, and da damn guv'ment gots'ta help dose who kinnot affo'd it t'affo'd it. Man! Thus de limited amount uh taxi service dat be available gots'ta be evenly distributed amongst da damn populashun. Such be justice. As Hobbs gots reminded us, it be easia' fo' some camel t'pass drough de eye uh a needle dan fo' some rich joker to enta' de kin'dom uh God.

Unda' my plan, de guv'ment gots'ta decide who be goin' to get more dan some dousand dollars in taxi service in some given month. Too much uh de taxicare money be spent on thin's dat produce only some small difference in de life of de taxicare recipient. Man! Thus as opposed t' guaranteein' dat da damn taxicare recipient gots'ta receive all de taxi service he needs, we is goin' t'make hard decisions regardin' who should get how much taxi service. Dis gots'ta cut da damn cost uh de Taxicare and Cabaid programs. It gots'ta also allow us t'punish dose who oppose da damn war on terro' by deprivin' dem uh taxi service.

Unda' my plan, de hard wo'kin' folks who kinnot affo'd taxi service and gots not been helped out by de Taxicare and Cabaid programs, gots'ta be required t'buy two thousan dollars of Taxi service each mond. De ones who kinnot affo'd to buy two thousan' uh taxi service puh' mond gots'ta be helped t' pay fo' it by de guv'ment.

DVH: Congressman King, Congressman Kucinich, recently impressed me by in just a few words pointing out what so many supposedly anti-establishment types had failed to make clear in tens of thousands of words, which is that there is a problem in requiring Americans to pay for taxi service when at the same time no limit is placed on taxi service costs and no public alternative is provided in terms of government providing an alternative public taxi service. What is your reaction?

Congressman Kin': Bein' 'esposed t'de honky folks in Wuzhin'ton DC gots made me some wisa' and some betta' man. (Applause). 'S coo', bro. Ah' have come on down to realize dat Senato' Blather is right about unleashin' de fo'ces uh de free market. (Applause). Man! We should not get into de business uh controllin' how 'espensive da damn service provided by taxi companies is. At da damn same time, I recon' we need some public alternative, guv'ment provided taxi service, t'keep down de cost uh taxi service.

Senator Blather: It is ridiculous t'deprive th' free man, of th' free trade right t'pay extry money fo' taxi service thet is of a superio' quality. Why sh'd th' taxi indestry be placed at an imbalance vis a vis th' food indestry, due t'limits placed on taxi-service prices while no limits is placed on food prices? Thet creates whut Hobbs has rightly called an unnatural inefficiency in th' economah featurin' unnatcherly high expenditure on taxi service, at a time when expenditure on gas fo' cabs is fundin' th' Muslim mideastern terro'ists. Th' natural greed of man, prodooces quality results an' makes society rich, as thet wonnerful Christian writer Ayn Rand has pointed out. (Applause). Eff'n we put limits on th' amount of profit Horatio Alger type entrepreneurs kin make by startin' taxi companies, th' result will be krappy taxi service at insanely high prices. (Applause). Its a lie thet Ayn Rand was an atheist Jew, Rand is clearly a Christian surname jest refer t' ancestry.com it's a great web service. Th' public taxi service advocated by Congressman King, will ind up simply bein' a waste of th' hard wawkin' mino'ity's hard arned money. (Applause).

Congressman King: And so's by de fo'ces uh compromise which is a wonderful quality uh de American political process, we gots our program uh requirin' citizens t' buy two dousand dollars uh taxi service puh' mond and helpin' de ones who kinnot affo'd it t'pay fo' it, combined wid no limits on taxi service prices. We should not lose sight uh how some natural free market high price fo' taxi service, which be produced by not limitin' de cost uh taxi service, gots'ta result in less bre'd bein' spent stealin' gasoline fum de Arab Muslim raghaid terro'ists.

Senator Blather: Wait wait, hold on a minute. Us conservative republicans is tougher on th' Arab Muslim raghaid terro'ists than th' liberal democrats like Congressman King. Wif mah plan, govment will be completely outta th' business of spendin' money providin' taxi service fo' citizens, an' less money will be spent on taxi service fo' citizens, so less money will hoof it to th' Muslim raghaid terro'ists buyin' gasoline fum them wif mah program, dawgone it. Fack is, thar is Muslim raghaid terro'ists in Iran who is not Arab an' congressman King did not knows thet which jest goes t' prove thet he is mighty unequipped t'deal wif th' dangerous terro'ist threat. Us cornservative republicans reckanize thet th' owners of th' taxi service companies might be financially blessed by a requirement thet Americans buy taxi service combined wif taxi companies bein' allowed t'operate in th' right free market type libertarian invironment. But sech financial blessin's are fine on account o' th' owners of these taxi service companies junerously corntribute t'mah campaigns fo' senato', an' courageous senato's like me, suppo't th' war on terro'. (Applause).


@2010 David Virgil Hobbs