Senator Blather calls for sanity in government

For Immediate Release
Office of the Press Secretary
July 20, 2006

Senator Blather Advocates Sane, Secular, Rational, Scientific Government

Hilda Kelly Blather Executive Office Building
Room 667
3:10 P.M. EDT

SENATOR BLATHER--Let's betray our civilizashuns t'their inemies our friends while we git rich as hell off of pretendin' t'be guardians of th' nashunal security. Thet way we'll be safe an' happy as a pig in mud--an' by th' time our civilizashuns thet we betray is enslaved an' destroyed we'll all be daid ennyway. (Applause.)

It's th' only logical course. Th' only real types of happiness, scientifically speakin', is physical safety an' money. Thar is no logical reason we sh'd give a hoot whut happens t'our civilizashuns af'er we die. ( Applause, stomping of feet.)

We is not foolish Catholic folks who believe in enny punishments in th' af'erlife, o' in rewards in this hyar life on account o' of our fine deeds! Us protestants, an' our esteemed colleagues th' atheists agree, whut we does cannot result in enny divine punishment o' reward in this hyar life o' th' next. (Applause, Confederate battle cries.)

So less git on wif th' business of keepin' our families safe by cozyin' up t'th' enemies of our civilizashuns, while we git rich by pretendin' thet we is guardin' th' security of our civilizashuns!
(Sustained loud applause, shouts of 'the South shall rise again'.)

Our spoiled brat loser gran'kids will ind up inslaved o' destroyed, but thar is no scientific reason we sh'd care about thet, by th' time thet happens we'll all be daid. An' a safe rich an' happy life we shall haf befo'e we die indeed! Fry mah hide! (Standing ovation, singing of Confederate anthem "God Save the South").



@2006 David Virgil Hobbs